Growing up I always desired to be in the spotlight so that I could get love, comfort, and attention from others. So, I would lie about what movies I have seen or books I have read, hoping that would help me fit in more. At times I felt happy when someone would give me that attention, but it was never lasting and would leave me wanting more again, and again, and again.
When I was a sophomore in high school my family began to go back to church weekly, which was new for me. I was used to just vague talks about God and Jesus in my home. I did not get it at first. I was resistant to going to church and would be grumpy about it. My mom would encourage me to check out the youth group at my church, but I was like, “I do not want to sit through more of this”.
My junior year, after losing some close friends, I decided to check out the youth group. It was strange. These kids were shining and desiring after Jesus in a personal way that I never really understood before. I may have been a Christian since I was young, but I was not in a relationship with God. That year it all changed. I wanted to experience what the other kids had. I started to read my bible, pray more, and go on mission trips. Yet, even then, I had not fully surrendered my life to Christ.
Coming to college, I knew I wanted to get involved with a Christian group on campus. Then I found CRU. The people were inviting and authentic but mostly, I saw a glimmer of my youth group in them. These people were shining even brighter than my youth group friends. I started to fully understand that God created me for a purpose and I have fallen short of that purpose in the nature of human sin.
Jesus lived a perfect life as man AND God, died, and resurrected again to save us all, as the perfect sacrifice and price for our sin. “He took on all of that for me?! For Him?! For Her?! For us all?!” I thought early on in my journey as a college freshman, but I knew this time that I wanted it all. I wanted to be made into a new person. I fully surrendered my entire life to Christ, wanting to know God more, to be made more like Jesus, and allow the Spirit to do the transformative work in me.
Every day, since then, I have strived to do just that. I have noticed that I have been desiring to make my name less known and make Jesus’ name more known. I do still fall into the pit of trying to win people’s attention and affection, but I have found more joy and peace in serving others. I have learned and am learning that with my eyes fixed on Jesus I find the most perfect attention, love, and comfort I could every need and more.